rowanberries: (Sherlock/John OTP)
[personal profile] rowanberries
Thieved from [livejournal.com profile] apiphile.

Give me a character's name and I will tell you three reasons why it would be terrible to try to date them, have sex with them, or be in a long-term relationship with them.

For an extra challenge, pick characters you know I'm fond of. Anyone can tell you reasons not to date Cthulhu, after all.


Because I'm home from work today, and procrastinating rather than... doing anything at all.

Date: 2011-07-08 12:51 pm (UTC)
ext_27060: Sumer is icomen in; llude sing cucu! (Default)
From: [identity profile] rymenhild.livejournal.com
I think we have to start with Havelock Vetinari.

Date: 2011-07-08 06:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rowanberries.livejournal.com
WELL.

First of all, Havelock is a massive cold fish, so good luck getting there in the first place - in Millicanon, Puck only succeeded in getting his attention through EXTREME PERSISTENCE. Prepare for frustration!

Second - he is incredibly calculating, cold and manipulative towards people he knows and even likes. He can be perfectly pleasant (and will actually improve with age, in some ways), but Romance will always come second to his political ambitions, and to Ankh-Morpork. Again: frustration, and feelings of abandonment in favour of city. :(

Third - Once you get his attention, and once he is momentarily distracted from plotting some political coup or other, you still have to deal with the fact that Havelock - though not cruel for the sake of it - is still controlling, ridiculously intelligent, and usually knows basically what everyone around him is thinking or feeling. Not in a good way.

...Of course, if Dom/sub is your thing, he at least has a strong grasp of the underlying principles?

However, anyone interested in a normal relationship should run for the hills.

Date: 2011-07-08 01:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] requiem2adream.livejournal.com
Jack Harkness.

Date: 2011-07-08 07:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rowanberries.livejournal.com
THERE ARE A MILLION REASONS TO NEVER DATE/HAVE SEX WITH/FALL IN LOVE WITH JACK HARKNESS.

Here are a few picked at random!

1. The intense manpain and angst will rapidly get dull.
2. You will probably die violently in a manner designed to increase pathos.
3. He will never in a million years succeed in being faithful to you. (To give him credit, if he cared about you and saw that it mattered to you, I think he would try. But do not hold out much hope. His impulse-control is horrendous.)
4. To break up the endless brooding on rooftops, he occasionally has periods of INTENSE RAGE PUNCTUATED BY VIOLENCE.
5. Imagine the STDs!
6. (Assuming he hasn't died and reset recently.)
7. Which is another thing! He is immortal. Your life, despite his best intentions, will seem short to him, and he will be endlessly aware of it even if he doesn't tell you, and if he doesn't, he is lying to you.
8. Even if he told you the immortality thing? He will lie to you.

Date: 2011-07-08 01:55 pm (UTC)
skygiants: the Phantom of the Opera, reaching out (creeper of the opera)
From: [personal profile] skygiants
THIS IS A BRILLIANT MEME. Christine Daae!

Date: 2011-07-08 10:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rowanberries.livejournal.com
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. (Okay, mainly taking musical canon here.)

Christine Daae will always cheat on you with the Phantom. This will be accepted as ~*~the course of true love~*~, so just save yourself now, lest you become a poorly-drawn caricature of an abusive husband in order to fit her fanfic of a life.

If you are the Phantom, it's not too late to reconsider! You can still retain the slight character development you gained at the end of the last musical by relenting and, oh, not using her as a betting chip in your dick-measuring contest with her husband. It's quite easy!



...Oh wait, we were talking about Christine.

Right! Christine is irritatingly passive and will constantly sing in your face about how helpless she is in the face of some other guy who is patently a controlling douchebag at best and a homicidal psychopath at worst. She is self-obsessed and needy and overly dramatic.

But frankly, I have no sympathy for any of her potential suitors as they are even worse. (Except for Meg.



...And sorry, if you're Meg. You're not the designated heroine, your life is going to suck.)

Date: 2011-07-08 06:06 pm (UTC)
ceitfianna: (Charter Marks)
From: [personal profile] ceitfianna
Sabriel?

Date: 2011-07-08 11:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rowanberries.livejournal.com
Oh, Sabriel.

First of all, Sabriel takes her vows seriously - and unfortunately, her pledge to defend the world from the Dead came before her wedding vows. Sorry Touchstone!

Secondly - she is very calm and controlled, but this means she is emotionally distant. Even before she dove into the world of horrific trauma at eighteen, she remained cut off from other people, essentially abandoned at boarding school from a young age, where she made friends but had essentially no family. Therefore! she fails comprehensively at emotions.

Thirdly, she can and will fuck you up if she deems it necessary. That ability can really put a damper on equality in a relationship.

Date: 2011-07-08 11:50 pm (UTC)
ceitfianna: (mechanical frog)
From: [personal profile] ceitfianna
Such a messed up family. After canon, she and Sam will have some terribly awkward talks as they really do need them. I've also been slowly moving him through canon, its terrifying but progress.

We might want to think about a brief in between canon moment about Wallmaker since honestly the way everyone went huh, okay during the final battle made it seem like they'd talked when they hadn't. We'd just have to finagle it so it doesn't bother with the whole and your parents might be dead deal later.

Though that might have just been skewed family priorities of, save the world first, emotions later.

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